Promises
by Karu-DarkAngel
Summary: The promises Orochimaru makes to the Sannin, because there was a time he cared. Sannin-centric. JirTsu.


**A/N:** This is a little take at the Sannin and their relationship, especially the one Orochimaru had with the other two. Most of it centers on the time before he went absolutely crazy for power and tried to kill Jiraiya and Tsunade - because he was their friend once and there is so much grey between black and white.

* * *

**Promises**

"Promise me something, Maru." for once Jiraiya is not smiling, not shouting, his dark eyes solemn.

The rain pouring down from the heavens of Amegakure that runs down his face makes the white-haired man look older than the twenty-something years he really is, more like the cold blooded shinobi Orochimaru knows is hidden somewhere under the boisterous attitude and lewd jokes of his comrade – Jiraiya doesn't get enough credit for how good an actor he is, he muses.

He watches the three orphans trying to build shelter with Tsunade's help in the distance, the thick cloak of rain clouding his eyes enough for the snake summoner to not make out whether their attempt is successful or not.

"Take care of hime."

_Of course_. Orochimaru hasn't expected anything else from Jiraiya, the man who fights like he lives, who loves like he fights-

"I will." he courses inwardly at how fast the words leave his lips, how there is not even a moment of consideration before he speaks. _What a pretty lie it is,_ he thinks and knows that underneath the underneath he has become almost as much of a fool as Jiraiya is.

There is no polite uttering of thanks in return, just the barest tilting of his friend's head. He has just placed the most precious thing in his life in Orochimaru's care, who is all too clearly aware of it.

This is a confession, the unspoken _if I don't come back…_ and it is forever. Even being one of the strongest shinobi in Konohagakure right now, there is still the possibility that the white-haired pest won't come back, that he will die here in this rotten ruin of a country, and Jiraiya has just given all of his dreams, _his future_, to a man who even his sensei doesn't trust anymore.

Orochimaru watches his team mate turn around and walk for the chaos that is Tsunade and three malnourished children who hope despite better knowledge in Amegakure, where everything is washed away by the rain before long.

He isn't sure whether Jiraiya is simply a fool or the wisest of them all.

* * *

Strands of blond hair a sticking to Tsunade's forehead with sweat, her left hand spread protectively over her belly. She is _showing_ by now.

He remembers Jiraiya's words, and despite knowing better thinks for a moment if he could have known, had somehow in this crazy head of his seen it like Orochimaru sees it now, their team mate before him shining in all her pregnant glory – and of course he hasn't, because Jiraiya would have never let her, would have given up _everything_ for Tsunade and the brat she is carrying.

"You can never tell him." her honey colored eyes are filled with desperation,"…promise me, Maru."

They stare at each other in silence and somewhere inside he knows that he should deny her, should march her back to Konoha and then make a trip to Ame to bring his best friend back to the family he always wanted… but he won't.

"He will never know." Orochimaru tells the distressed woman, because she is right and they both know it. It is for the best this way.

This is not the time for a child. To Jiraiya it wouldn't matter, but Tsunade realizes the same things he does, is aware of the fact that there is _greatness_ written all over the three of them – _Sannin_, Hanzō called them and it sticks – and that a kid would destroy what they are and who they will become.

Tsunade's smile is tired, "He'd give up everything, the _baka_…"

She does not talk about herself, about the love Orochimaru sees in her eyes when she rubs her growing abdomen, about the way pregnancy makes her even more beautiful in spite of the pain and tears gleaming in her eyes.

It's her decision alone. This is the only time he does not dare tell her what to do. As a shinobi, as a leader, he is used to making decisions that affect others, but while he can send men and women to death without remorse Orochimaru suddenly realizes that this one burden he doesn't want to carry… because he couldn't ever look Jiraiya in the eye again had it been his decision.

As it is the knowledge of what she is doing is killing Tsunade from within, because in the end this is _betrayal_, silent and lethal and she will have to live with it for the rest of her life.

He knows though, that she will never break, that there is steel inside Tsunade of the Senjū.

She is a true _kunoichi_ and she will not falter. He respects that.

* * *

When he stands beside a barely conscious Tsunade who is on the brink of death, her face without the genjutsu aged and wrinkled, Orochimaru finds it ironic that while he never broke his promise to her, he almost broke the one he made to Jiraiya many a time.

Today it not the day her life will end however, neither by his hands nor those of another.

_He has changed_, the blond woman tells him and he realizes that she is right, that he indeed is another man than who he was for most of his adult life. Orochimaru thinks about Jiraiya then, about the way he never changed in all his years, and a heavy feeling he doesn't recognize settles inside his chest. Maybe it is regret, perhaps longing. He isn't sure.

Tsunade has changed too, though he doesn't comment on it because she'd take it as the insult it is. Today the blond is the woman he likes to remember, a beautiful creature with blazing amber eyes and fists that blast away everything in their path, not the grieving, scared, broken thing she had been for decades.

They have changed, the remaining two of the _Sannin_, and the last is dead because he was never willing to. Looking back Orochimaru realizes that this was Jiraiya's strength, his unbroken will and readiness to walk his path to the end.

Tomorrow the world will be another, and perhaps there will be a place for the two of them inside it. Changed, _different_, as they are, maybe they can find peace there for once in their lives.

* * *

The whole hidden village of Konohagakure is celebrating. There are people everywhere on the streets and every single store that sells some kind of food or drink is filled to the brim with townsfolk – no separation between ninja and civilians seems to be made today.

Even Orochimaru gets lost in the masses. He doesn't sneak his way around the village or take any other means to stay hidden, because even those who see _and_ recognize him – and those are _very_ few – make no move to attack. This one day is one of peace, and just for today everyone abides by the same unspoken rules. The world is tired of fighting.

He finds Tsunade in a crowded bar at a corner table all by herself, a cup of sake in her hand and three empty bottles beside her. To say that he is surprised would be a downright lie.

She isn't drunk _yet_, but then again the amount of alcohol needed to make his team mates inebriated has always surprised the snake Sannin. He isn't a lightweight, but has never been able to outdrink either…

"Remember when you were so drunk Jiraiya had to get you into bed and you wouldn't let go of him until he crawled into the cot with you?" she mutters abruptly with way too much glee in her voice.

Well, case in point. Sometimes Orochimaru had really badly wanted the blissful oblivion Tsunade and Jiraiya are, _wer_e, both prone to when totally smashed. It would have spared him many embarrassing situations he likes to pretend have never happened.

"Absolutely not." his voice is as deadpan as his face.

And then the blond laughs beside him, high and clear, the sound startling him more than it should have. It is the sound of long forgotten times he thinks the same moment her laughter starts to turn into quiet sobs.

A sudden pang of sadness travels through Orochimaru's body as he feels her quivering beside him. In that moment he wants Jiraiya so _badly_ to be there, to make it all good again with a stupid joke and that bright smile on his lips. He wants his best friend back, all the years lost, and curses himself for not having understood sooner that the power he'd wanted so desperately wasn't worth giving up his family for.

He thinks of apologizing but that'd only make her even more agitated – besides he wouldn't mean it, not in the way she wants, and he can't undo the person he was.

Instead he slides into the booth beside her and Tsunade's head comes to gently rest against the black haired man's shoulder in an imitation of the position she liked to share with their team mate when they were much younger.

"Jiraiya's girl, the one he took along after Minato died…" she whispers in a sober tone ,"She's pregnant… probably had the child already."

The implication isn't lost on him and he wonders how _that_ happened – he knows how Jiraiya was, and he also knows that there is only one woman he always wanted to have kids with.

"That's three then." the snake summoner mumbles more to himself than the woman beside him. _This_ is certainly a surprise, especially since he never bothered keeping tabs on the girl. She's Iwagakure if he remembers correctly… that could get in-

Tsunade's head jerks off his shoulder without warning, her brows raised, amber eyes locking with Orochimaru's. Just for an instant he is confused as to what made her so jumpy, and then he remembers with sudden clarity that he never told her, couldn't have actually even if he'd wanted to, because he was a nuke-nin and she on the run from everyone she held dear.

Her eyes narrows suspiciously, "You _know_… you tracked them."

Of course he has. No matter what, those children are Jiraiya's and Tsunade's, and therefore they are also _his_. They are too precious to live petty lives and die random deaths.

"Are they… well?" to him it is obvious how she dreads the question, curiosity and repression battling in her face, for as much as she wants to know she also wants to push the mere thought of them away from her. It has been over thirty years, but the wound is still deep.

"Yes." he nods and Tsunade's relief is almost palpable, "They are strong… they live good lives, save lives."

Orochimaru has the sudden, inexplicable urge to tell her more. How they both have Jiraiya's hair – but she knows that probably – how Yukio's eyes are almost as dark as his father's and Aiko's as bright as her own, how she is a kunoichi turned blacksmith and forges katanas sold all over Kusagakure, how he became one of the best healers in his village…

"So, what will you be doing now?" the change of topic on her part is expected. The blond needs something to distract herself with and this once he understands perfectly why.

"Leaving." he answers the obvious, "I'm a ghost right now, and I'll take advantage of it… then… we are old Tsunade, and I was dead more than once already. _This_ is not my world any longer."

She gives a noncommital hum in return before leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes. His former team mate has grown out of trying to lecture people about how life works, he concludes. It is better this way, because he is too old to be swayed by arguments, no matter how accurate they may be.

Slowly Orochimaru gets up, knowing that she won't open her eyes again – Tsunade never was the type to gaze after those leaving.

"Take care." it as an utterly idiotic thing for her to say to him, but despite himself the snake Sannin feels a smile tug at the corners of his lips.

"We'll be waiting for you, hime."

Then he is gone.

* * *

He will betray them. He doesn't know when, but Orochimaru knows that one day in the future he won't be _of the Leaf_ anymore. There is only so much Konohagakure has to offer him before he will have to search elsewhere for the things he wants in life. _Power_, the power to never have to die.

No matter how hard they try, Jiraiya and Tsunade don't understand. They do everything they can to make him happy, but they just _aren't enough_. Not enough to fill the void inside him that gets bigger every passing day.

To keep Tsunade save was what he promised Jiraiya, and to keep their unborn child a secret to Tsunade, but the sake summoner knows very well that he most likely won't be able to keep either promise.

At some point he won't be _Maru_ any longer, he won't care enough, and despite the knowledge there is nothing he can do about it.

Orochimaru knows that he can't give his team mates the man they deserve, but at least he can try to make it up to them another way, he decides on the trip back from grass country to the land of fire. _His way_, the silent, unseen way in the dark of the night.

He think of Jiraiya's dark gaze on Tsunade, so full of love and utter devotion, and the same look in her eyes when she stroked her protruding belly.

_Your children will be happy_, he promises himself.

* * *

**A/N:** Orochimaru probably seems a little OOC at the second to last part (which is the last chronologically), but as Tsunade said in the manga, he _changed_. He is a different man than he was before, with a good knowledge of what he did "wrong" in his life. He knows why he was who he was and he doesn't exactly regret it, but there are some aspects of his life he now understands what he missed out on.


End file.
